Raphael's Revenge
by Mikell
Summary: The sequel to Happy Endings, in which Raphael catches up with raphfreak. Will her second-favorite turtle be able to save her from his furious brother? How will she explain the hole in the living room wall to her mother? Will Titanic ever have a sequel?


**A/N: This fic is dedicated, thrown at, and otherwise blamed on Katie, aka _raphfreak._**

**She beta-read my "author meets characters" one-shot, _Happy Endings_, and asked for this. I can't imagine _what_ she was thinking. I know what _I_ was thinking- How am I ever going to write a leash strong enough to hold Raph back so he doesn't tear her to bits?!  
**

**Reviews are welcome as always. Unless you're green. I already know what the guys think of this mess. LOL**

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_Raphael's Revenge  
~~~_

Katie Raphfreak sat up on the couch and hit "pause", wondering what the noise was that had disturbed her. She tried to quiet her sniffles. The scene where Jack slips away into the frozen depths and disappears under the waves was just so sad, it always made her cry, even though she'd seen Titanic about a hundred times. Now something else caught her attention. Her little dog, Raphael, whimpered and scurried from the room as if something very important required his attention, elsewhere and immediately.

"Wuss," she grumbled. Deciding her imagination was working over time, she turned back to her movie, only to find the screen blank and the DVD player open, the disc gone MIA. "What?!" she shrieked, leaping to her feet. "Nobody messes with Titanic! If my little brother stole that disc, he's in for some _serious_ payback."

Katie heard a chuckle behind her, a distinctly _male_ chuckle, and far too deep to be her annoying little brother. Slowly, she turned, feeling all the blood drain from her face. A familiar red mask and amber eyes regarded her with something like amusement. He smiled. "Hiya, Author," said Raphael.

"Oh _crap_" was probably not the most brilliant thing she could've said, considering the circumstances, but hey, it's not every day a fictional character is standing in one's living room interrupting bad movie marathons.

Katie stepped back, keenly aware of his widening smile. It did not bode well for her. Her laptop was sitting open on the floor. The chat dinged. If she'd been able to tear her eyes away from Raphael long enough, she would've seen Mary's message on the screen: _Katie? Are you writing? Did you finish that chapter yet? Or are you still watching that movie? When are you going to watch a quality movie like Howard the Duck? I mean, geesh. How many times can you watch the guy turn into a popsicle, anyway? Oh, btw, Raph and the guys are looking for you. You might want to go into hiding.  
_

Katie ignored the chat, though she thought briefly of snatching up the laptop and sending Mary a desperate message _Help, Raphael is here, and he's going to kill me._ She had the feeling she'd never finish typing. She wasn't the fastest typist around, and that gleam in Raphael's eye spelled trouble, trouble with a capital "R".

"Umm… uh, hi there," she ventured, hoping against all odds that this was some _other_ fan-fic author's version of Raphael, a kinder, gentler Raph who might not have read her fics. Somehow, his smirk was telling her this wasn't the case. Unless she could learn ninjitsu by swallowing a pill invented by Raph's genius brother Donatello, to instantly grant her the skills to fight her way out, or learn to run as fast as athletic Michelangelo, or even to glare the way Leonardo could, she'd better come up with something, and fast, or she had the feeling there would be one less author to write Raphael into difficult situations.

"Hi, _Katie_," he said. His voice was soft, almost a growl. "'r should I call you _raphfreak?_"

"I ummm… Yeah. So, I guess you… uh… read fan-fiction, huh?"

"Yeah. I do," he said, taking a step toward her. Katie took a step back.

Instinctively she reached for her only hope- the laptop at her feet. _Maybe I can write my way out of this…_ But her hand grasped only empty air. She glanced up. Raphael was watching her, his amber eyes wide behind his mask. She noticed he'd gone an odd shade of mottled greenish-grey. For an instant, just an instant, he looked… scared. But then the color rushed to his face, and the smirk was back in full force.

"That was close, Raphael," said a voice behind Katie. "A little too close. You should've grabbed her weapon instead of messing around with that DVD."

_Lecturing, smug tone, worrying about his brother… That can only be…_Katie turned on her heel, keeping Raph in her field of vision, and gulped. Standing a few feet away, her laptop balanced on the end of a katana, was Leonardo. He regarded her with a wary look.

"Now, Leo, I thought we agreed that no innocent computers would be harmed in the making of this fic." A third voice. Katie's head whipped around. Donatello was lounging against the doorway. _Blocking my escape. Darn. Now what?_

"It ain't da computer I'm after, Don," said Raph. He took another step toward the author, his eyes narrowed to slits behind the mask. Katie edged toward the only other door in the room. Maybe she could make a break for it, lock herself into her bedroom. The drop to the pavement below was only a single story… Maybe she could land without breaking _both_ legs, so that she'd still be able to run…

"Oh, come on, Raph, Katie's not _all _bad."

_Ah, the fourth turtle, the clown. Michelangelo. _

"She's only killed you off _once_." Mike's blue eyes danced with a glimmer of mischief. "Some authors are killin' us off in every other fic."

"Sometimes I _wished_ she'd let me die," whispered Raph, a shadow passing over his features. "I just want to return the favor."

"Now, Raph…" Leonardo began. Raph met his older brother's eyes with a snarl. Leo stepped back. "Umm, ok, then. Katie, you might be on your own here."

"At least give me back my laptop!" she cried.

"I can't do that," said Leonardo, shaking his head. "He's my _brother_." He handed it to Don instead.

"Don, a little help here? You've always been my second favorite," she pleaded, turning her best imitation Mikey eyes on the purple-banded turtle.

"I don't know, Katie," said Don. "You've been pretty hard on Raph these past few months."

"Well, it's always been for the sake of a good story," said Katie. She held up her hands. "I mean people don't want to read _boring_ fan fics, right?"

"I wouldn't mind a boring fic," snapped Raphael. "Preferably one where _someone else_ gets beat up, kidnapped, tortured, shot, or captured for a change!"

"Umm, well, you're my favorite character," she said with what she hoped was a sweet smile.

"Lucky me," he grumbled. "Come on, Mike, help me out here. Yer supposed ta be da creative one. Take dat computer and _create_ already."

"Now, Mikey, remember, no uploading video games or erasing files," warned Donatello, handing the laptop over to the eager young turtle. Michelangelo's blue eyes sparkled as he opened a file and began tapping away.

Katie felt strange. Very strange. She glanced down, and a yelp escaped her. Her hands! Fur was growing on the back of her hands. "What are you doooooooooing?" she cried, her words forming a howl as she transformed… into a dog.

Raphael's laugh barked out. _Oh, very funny, Mike_, thought Katie. He glanced up over the screen.

"You like that?" he asked, grinning. "Heheh."

"Get me _out_ of this," she growled.

"Mikey…" Donatello's eye ridges rose.

"Oh, all right," said Mike, his fingers resuming their tattoo on the keys. Katie felt the fur receding, along with the urge to sniff everyone's behinds. She sighed in relief as the last of the fur disappeared and her fingers resumed their natural shapes.

"Oh, come on, Mike, is dat da best ya can do?" Raphael was barely containing his laughter. "Can't ya turn her inta somethin' _really_ interestin'? Hey, if yer gonna take ideas from her own fics, mebbe you should give 'er a nice pair o' _wings_."

"Now, wait just a minute," said Katie, alarmed. "How'm I gonna explain wings to my Mom? She's not as understanding as Master Splinter you know!"

"Nah," Michelangelo cocked his head to one side, considering. "Maybe we can just turn her over to Gruber for a while."

Raph shivered. "I wouldn't wish dat on anyone," he said. He glanced at her. "Maybe Macaster…"

"What? You came out of _No Matter What_ with kids_,_ Raph. Are you going to tell me you got the worse end of the deal?" Katie edged toward Michelangelo. Maybe she could snatch the laptop and run before he could write her into any more weird mutations.

"What, you couldn't just write a nice _romance _fer me ta get kids in like all the other authors?" he asked, his expression a little bleak.

"Well…"

"I mean seriously, _five years_?" He was scowling now. "Do you know what it's like ta live in a cage for five _years_?"

"Well, I, umm…"

"An' what about dat Suri chick? I t'ought she _cared_ about me! Now I don't know _what_ ta t'ink. An' dat's another t'ing," Raphael was shouting now, bearing down on Katie. She backed up until her shoulders brushed the wall. She'd never seen a mutant turtle so angry. Well, not that she'd seen a lot of mutant turtles in her time, but still.

"Ya take too darn long ta update yer fics! Ya leave me hangin' fer weeks at a time, an' I hafta wait until yer done watching _Titanic _**again** ta find out what yer gonna do ta me next. It's enough to make a guy _snap_!" He was right in her face now. She could smell the pepperoni pizza he'd been eating; feel his hot breath on her cheek. She sank down a little, trying to avoid his furious glare.

"Well, gee, Raph, I didn't know you felt so strongly…" she said, edging to one side. _Thunk_. A sai was buried in the wall, an inch from her arm. She met his burning amber glare, and swallowed hard. "Umm… what if I… wrote something… a little nicer?" she squeaked. "Maybe I could do a fic… featuring somebody else for a change. Or… something."

"Oh no you don't," said Donatello. He backed away, suddenly pale. "I have enough trouble already with Sanru! I thought I'd go nuts before I could speak English again in _Picking up the Pieces._ You're not writing _anything_ about your _second _favorite!"

Raph turned to glance at his frightened brother, and Katie took the opportunity to duck under his arm and dodge aside. She feinted, grabbing for the laptop, but Michelangelo was too quick for her.

"Mike, if you give me back my computer, I'll write something just for you… Umm how about a pet?" She wheedled. Mike's blue eyes widened for an instant, considering, before he shook his head.

"Sorry, Dudette. I gotta _live_ with Raph. And do you know how long it took me to get the mashed carrots out of my mask? That Carley sure can throw her food!"

"Well, at least it was _orange_," said Katie, grasping at straws. "So the stains don't show, right?"

Mikey just shook his head. "You're on your own," he said simply.

"Leo," Katie turned desperate eyes to the leader of the group as she dodged around the couch to avoid Raph's grab. "You wouldn't really let your brother harm an innocent girl, now would you? I'm not even as _old_ as you guys! Besides, I can't fight. What chance do I have against Raphael here?"

"You're hardly _innocent_," said Leonardo, his dark gaze stern and wary. "Unless it was someone else writing those fics? Someone else that sent Raphael away from us, someone else who had us always one step behind the villains you created?"

"Well, I always had you get him back in the end, right?" Katie swallowed hard.

Raphael had wrenched his sai from the wall, and he was circling the couch, approaching her like a cat stalking a mouse.

"Just give me a few minutes alone wit' her, Leo. Just walk away, guys. Five minutes, dat's all I want."

Leonardo watched his brother for a full minute before answering. "All right, Raph," he said quietly. "But you can't _hurt_ her, ok? This fic is rated K, after all."

"Whatever ya say, Fearless," growled Raphael, his trademark smirk crossing his face. The others filed out of the room. Donatello gave Katie a sympathetic look over his shoulder.

"Sorry about this," he muttered.

Katie blanched. She'd never known Raph could look so… _dark_. "What… what are you gonna do?" she asked.

"I'm sure I'll t'ink o' _somet'in,_" growled Raphael. He spun something shiny in his hand.

_Oh shell, he's gonna use his sais on me… Wait a minute…_ Katie stared. That wasn't a _sai_ in Raph's three-fingered hand. It was a _DVD!_

"You have my movie?" she squeaked.

Raphael smirked. "I t'ought ya might consider a little… deal. Ya know, a trade."

"What did you have in mind?" she asked. Seeing that he wasn't bent on immediately turning her into an author-kebob, she sank down on the couch, perching on the edge of the cushion in case she had to make a quick get-away.

"You don't write any more torture-Raphael fics, an' I'll give ya back yer movie," he said simply.

Katie shook her head. "What about the fans? They _like_ torture fics," she said. "I can't stop writing what the public demands!"

"Well, I guess I'll see if Mike wants ta play wit' my new Frisbee," said Raph, twirling the disc on the end of his finger.

"Wait a minute," squeaked Katie. "Maybe we can… work something out."

Raphael's eye-ridges rose. "You'd be willin' ta write me outta da circus an' finish dat _Jailed_ story?"

"Yes! Yes, of course. Your brothers are working out a plan to save you right now. I had it all written out, but that storm the other night, we lost power… Really, Raphael, I'm gonna send you home again, I promise!"

"An' ya won't kill me off anymore?"

"I umm… You mean, like _never_?" She watched the disc spin lazily on the end of his finger.

"An' no more _Gruber_." Raph spat the name as if it were bitter in his mouth.

"Ok, ok. I promise." _But I didn't promise not to come up with _new_ villains_, she thought.

"I dunno…" He watched her warily. "Can I trust ya?"

"Raphael, you're my _favorite character_," she said, giving him her best innocent look. "I named my _dog_ after you. Of _course_ you can trust me."

His eyes narrowed, his amber gaze burning into her. Something crashed in the other room and a shout tore through the tension in the room like a katana through a curtain. Katie took advantage of Raphael's momentary hesitation to leap to her feet, snatching the precious disc from his hand. She darted out of the room, a furious teenage mutant ninja turtle hot on her heels.

"Come back here, ya little…" Raph's shouted threats bounced off the walls of her home as she dashed to the bedroom, slamming the door and throwing the bolt home.

Katie backed slowly away from the door. The lock had been designed to keep out annoying younger brothers, not seriously hocked-off, two-hundred pound, extremely muscular, mutated ninjas.

"I see you got your disc back." Katie whirled, her heart in her throat. Donatello was lounging against the wall watching her with an unreadable expression.

"Don! You scared me half to death," she whispered. She heard doors slamming, and Raphael's voice, loud with anger, shouting down the hall. He was searching for her.

"If I were you, I'd hide in the closet," advised Don. "And… here. Take this. Just don't tell him I gave it back to you. _Ever._" He gave her a long look from those dark eyes before holding out… her laptop.

"Oooo-K. But… why are you doing this? And what was that crash before? And how are you gonna keep your brother from tearing me apart? I mean, seriously? The closet? He's gonna look in there, Donatello. He might not be the genius IQ that you are, but still. Anybody would think to look in the closet. Are you sure this isn't one of your super-brainy traps?" Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

Don held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I'm doing this because, even in your worst stories, Raph almost always makes it home again. The crash was me turning over a chair to distract him so you could get away. I'm going to keep him from killing you by _not_ telling him where you're hiding. And yes, of _course_ he would look in the closet… Unless I told him I already looked there and that I saw you galloping away on your horse."

"So you're helping me because you like the happy endings in my fics?" asked Katie with a grin.

"No, I'm doing this so you'll keep concentrating on Raph and leave me the _shell_ alone," admitted Donatello. He wiped a hand over his slightly sweaty brow.

"Aww, Donny," said Katie with a smile. "I always liked you, too."

Don blanched. "Ok, well, uh… I'd better get going," he said, scurrying from the room as if his shell were on fire. Katie smiled and ducked into her closet, her laptop tucked under her arm. She quickly opened a file.

_Katie leaped astride her trusty steed, Shadow, and raced away across the yard. They cleared the fence easily, and clattered off down the suburban street, Shadow's shoes throwing sparks on the pavement… _

"There she goes! Don't let 'er get away!" Raphael's rough shout rang out. Doors slammed and an engine roared to life, tearing down the street after the fictional horse carrying its fictional rider.

Katie smirked. She popped open the CD port on the side of her laptop, and inserted Titanic. She settled down on the floor of the closet, getting comfortable. It was, after all, a six-hour long movie and she didn't intend to be interrupted again.

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***end* **


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